This is the non-edited, pre-publication version of the “T.G.I.T.” response I submitted to the O’Colly, later published as “Forget All About T.G.I.T.” viewable here. The article I was responding to can be found here.

Forget T.G.I.T.

In Stillwater, it’s all about Wednesdays. And Tuesdays. And Mondays and Sundays and, well, any day of the week will do.

Many college students remember the good ol’ days of high school, the days of achievement and learning. But, it’s college now. Here, the freshmen will soon learn, it’s gotta be the weekend somewhere- why not here?

That means the relaxation, the unwinding, the arrests, the fights, the trips to the Emergency Room with your passed-out roommate, and even the debauchery can begin.

“One of my friends went up to a bunch of cops and asked them to help her because she believed I had drunk too much and might be dead,” said one student, who wished to remain anonymous. “What she didn’t know at the time was that I had been drugged, but I was still alive- barely. It was hilarious.”

Another student said, “I learned about the party scene as a freshman and getting involved really helped my grades tremendously.”

Many students go home on the weekends, so they party on Thursday nights. They don’t want to have to drive home hung over, but they don’t mind going to class in that state. Or perhaps they just don’t go to class.

Cited in a recent article was Kim Sampson, a business management sophomore, who said, “And you can miss a few [Friday classes].” Yes, Kim, in some classes you are permitted to be absent a limited number of times. But why would you ever willingly and knowingly want to miss class?

Somebody’s paying your tuition, Kim. Either you’re paying for it, which means you’re being wasteful, or someone else is, in which case you should apologize for wasting their money. Even worse- perhaps the government or even a scholarship fund, established in memory of the tragic death of a truly dedicated student that never got the chance to finish, perhaps they are paying for it.

You see, kids, this is why we can’t have anything nice.

Instead of wondering why Thursday night is more popular than Friday night for partying, maybe we should be wondering why this question is even interesting. Maybe we should be wondering why, despite some of the strictest liquor laws on Earth, alcohol abuse runs rampant in our little college town.

I want everyone to have fun, don’t mistake my words. I’ve been known to sip some oat sodas ’til last call, then walk a nice curvy line home and wonder the next morning, “How on Earth did I get here?”

Just stop and think about what you’re doing to your education. Too many students can’t wait for the weekend, and find themselves staring at a letter from the big bad wolf, telling them that their GPA is no longer acceptable for anything but an interest rate gimmick at a car dealership.

That means you have to tell your parents you’re suspended.

That means you couldn’t wait for the weekend and you drank your college career away, your highest achievement being the “Photo Illustration” of you in the O’Colly, nursing a bottle of what so bitterly sought revenge from you as you hoarked it up at 3:00am.